Hey beautiful people! I think it’s important that I share my testimony early on, so that you get to know me a little better!
If I think back as far as I can, I know that I’ve been called to ministry as early as six or seven. I was a catholic back then, because my mom was, and despite what everyone told me, I just couldn’t find it in me to really believe in God.
One think I did believe in? Music.
I loved music beyond everything else. I was in chorus by sixth grade, and also in the progress of learning violin and piano. I went to church every Sunday but I was really just going through the motions.
In the middle of seventh grade year, I broke my ankle while roller skating. At that time, it was the most traumatic thing to happen to me. I remembered feeling so helpless and in so much pain that I feel into a deep depression. I quit any sports I was doing, I continued violin but not with as much vigor as before, and I pushed all my friends away.
After my ankle healed and I finished my physical therapy sessions, I was struck by another storm: anxiety. Fear ruled my life when it came to doing anything physical. I was scared to death to hurt my foot again. That fear that I felt for my ankle spread to everything else in life; I was afraid to raise my hand in class, or share a personal struggle with my guidance counselor (who was really a therapist in disguise), or take the solo position for my violin concert. I was anxious about everything; I remember there were days where I was crying, begging my mom to stay home from work because I was worried about the endless possibilities that could happen to her out there. I was beyond broken. Nothing of this world could fill this emptiness inside of me, not reading, not social media, not friends, not even music.
Then my mom found a new church two minutes away from my house. It was Pentecostal, not Catholic, and since my mom wasn’t giving me any other choice, I went to the youth nights they provided on Wednesday night.
The first preaching was AMAZING! I heard something that no one has ever told me except my parents (but as a preteen you tend to ignore what your parents say) and the pastor used the Word to back him up. That night I went home and opened up the Bible that I hadn’t so much looked at in three years and read the verses the pastor used to create his message.
Fast forward six months and I got saved a week after my birthday! Another year later and the chains of depression and suicide fell off of me and haven’t made an appearance since.
However, the anxiety and fear still cling to me at times, which is a huge part of the reason why I made this blog. I realize that fear is a human instinct and sometimes it can’t be removed, but what I can do? I can do what God calls me to do while feeling the fear. God’s radical design for my life super-cedes any feeling, emotion or illness that the world wants to throw at me. The same is true for all of you.
Which is why I’m here 🙂
Remember, honey is sweet! 😉